I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
