if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
