There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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