Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
