I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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