Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
