Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
