So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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