Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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