He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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