just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
