my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
