do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Damn victory sex feels great
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
