Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
