take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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