the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
