Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
