Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
