So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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