bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
