Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
