I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
