Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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