I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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