Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
