So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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