dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
