Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
