well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
