Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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