So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
