Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
