dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
