I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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