garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
