bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
