Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
