Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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