Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
