I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
