Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
