Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
