we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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