it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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