Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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