I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
