OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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