I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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