Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
