Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
